A mistake so sever, it will force me into early retirement.
I've become emotionally invested in my mission.
I've failed to remain an absent presence, a literary fly on the wall.
spy fail #5: having feelings
##beingaspyisimpossible
Saturday night at mainstage I learned important lessons in dying. I ask you, how does one stay distant from that? I tried my hardest to keep my gaze upon the suspicious crowd, but to no avail. I was thoroughly caught up in the lessons of Paul Quarrington's life and death.
To add to it, Charlene made sure to thank all of the volunteers who help make the festival possible by doing things such as handing out surveys, greeting people, serving wine and much more.
I thought my suspicions were confirmed, that my mission was still on track. She hadn't mentioned the bloggers. Charlene did see us as a lower class of volunteers, and there was reason to remain on the lookout for more attempts to bring us dowm.
We were unmentionable, even in her heartfelt thank yous.
I mean, we didn't even get magnetic badges this year.
And then she gave us our very own thank you.
Apparently her brother had never been to a Thin Air event until this year.
And the reason he came?
He read the blog. It inspired him to check out an event or two.
With this uncomfortably warm and melancholic feeling in my heart as I left Saturday night, I knew my mission was doomed.
And if that wasn't enough, in pondering how I might report to you one last time, I came across Jay's final post. Ever.
I swear it didn't even make me cry. ##imstillabigsensitiveliar
And he spoke the truth of this mission, as I believe we all have.
Thin Air teaches us about ourselves.
My first conclusion, so many nights ago, was correct.
We are drawn to this celebration of writing and self expression, not because we are all a bunch of book snobs dressed in tweed with our red wine accessories, but because we are people who seek. Seek out truth and understanding and compassion and laughter. We seek out language to engage and connect with.
Being a spy isn't the only lonely job in the world.
Being a person is a pretty damn lonely job too. Especially if you are a writer.
This is why we have Thin Air.
We find people like us, and a space is created, if only for 1 week each year, where we are held up.
And so together we explore weddings and cowboys. Hunting and kugle. Ectoplasm, fathers and the redemptive qualities of coffee.
It is the magic of people working through their lives, with words.
As we learned in the documentary on Paul Quarrington, the boogie man isn't death, the boogie man is not being creative on a daily basis. And when creativity can be brought together and shared, something happens that not even the best spy can name.
##iclearlyhandnochance
And so, as I hang up my stick on moustache on last time, I say to you all
Thank You. For all that you give of yourselves through writing, reading, talking and being.
None of us are the same because of it.
##somuchfornotgettingsappy
Over and Out
* * *
Courtney Slobogian was born in Winnipeg and likes it that way. She is a writer/understated activist/ irreverent feminist.Some of her work can be tracked down in quiet corners of the internet.
She co-hosts a radio show on CKUW called Tiger Lilies are Poisonous, dislikes cotton socks and is currently working on developing her spy skills.
I've enjoyed reading your posts. For someone who was not able to attend the events, it gave me a flavour of what the audience participation was like.
ReplyDeleteThank you for doing this.
a.